That Should Just About Do It

Well, this has been on again, off again for almost the past 5 weeks now and that should just about do it.  After almost reaching the precipice last week, Friday 12/5 we seemed to sort things out a little bit after she ended up going to the hospital for her "black eye".  And then came the "I ended it with him, it should make you happy".  Well...he was still on FB, it looked like she had tried to hide a post that he had liked (possibly not the reason)...and I just couldn't believe as vengeful as she is that he would  still be on there if there wasn't a damn good reason for it.

The list is long.  I'm not sure I feel like going through it all...

But here it goes anyway.

It was the discovery of "The Fireman" on 11/11 or so that made everything start quickly falling apart.  I could look but I won't (at least right now) to see...but I'm quite sure we didn't go more than a few days without having some kind of argument.  Usually major.  And why not?  The revelation of the fireman was bad enough.  Then she refused to say she wouldn't fuck other guys whenever she wanted.  When I finally relented when she said it wasn't a big deal, wouldn't happen often, etc...it wasn't a few days later that I found out (bluffed Shelly into telling me, actually) that she had fucked him again already.  He told me she had been sexting him virtually non stop. While I got none of that shit.  That really, really, really started pissing me off.  After that I started questioning basically everything she did.  How little time she spent here (perhaps later...but see emails for details)...and saying stuff like "I really hope we make it" "I love you" and then...doing everything in her goddamn power to make me believe she wasn't really trying, didn't care, and certainly didn't love me.  And that's pertaining to me.  What about Todd?  The killer was one visit, for a few hours for 10 weeks.  And that's from someone who really wants to make it?  In the meantime she sexts fireman up there and goes to clubs with Jolene clubbing with Siobhan, whatever...nonstop.  Like we don't fucking exist at all.  And that was it for me.


Update Tuesday, December 16, 2014 @ 1:43pm:

I have put off actually filing.  Something keeps going through my head that I need to give things a chance to settle down and see what she says...and basically, there is nothing wrong with that.  But I need to get it through my head...

• She is doing what she wants to do.  She enjoys it, feels entitled to it, and ain't going to stop.  Not for me, not for Todd, not for anything
• I don't understand why losing Todd means so little to her...that is fucked up.  Even if she didn't want to see me, she could have made the trip to see Todd and pretended to be with me.
• She does have some serious problems.  I don't know what all they are.  Something having to do with "working her ass off/doing everything right and losing everything/not having anything"...and therein lies the problem.  She is where she is and has experienced the things she has not just because of me, but the shitty goddamn choices she has made for herself over the past 2.5 years
• The justifications she uses for treating me the way she does/her entitlements/etc (not to mention the things she has said while drunk/mad)...indicate it really IS all about the Shelly.  She thinks "I" have to "win her back" and all she has to do is show up once every 6 weeks, spread her legs and wait for me to "do something" and in the meantime she is entitled to do what she wants.  WRONG.  Dead wrong.  I am especially sick of hearing this I work my ass off bullshit".  This "second job" has been nothing but trouble, and neither I nor Todd see any benefit from it whatsoever.  Which begs the question...what the fuck is she doing with all that money?
• Regardless of anything else...with her up there and me down here...I wouldn't even trust her to even think about trying anymore.  Assuming I ever wanted to.  And that pretty much sums it up and puts an end to it all.