Well, simply put...I'd be lying if I said there was much good about 2015 at all. And that does not please me at all. Without kicking myself in the nads/trying to depress myself, etc...it was just a total fucking mess.
I certainly wish I didn't have to have the surgery, but I had no idea it would lead to all of this. Not "all"...but a lot of my steps backward were directly related to it. I'm sure it didn't have to be this way, but it certainly ended up this way. I can never be certain, but I'm pretty sure I would not have taken the steps backward in weight gain and lack of running if it wasn't for the surgery and aftermath. And "us"...wow. I'm surprised we even have the opportunity we have now. Speaking of which...I'm certainly not opposed to trying. But one certainly has to wonder. There will probably be nothing easy about it. It certainly hasn't been to this point. And I'm not above saying that some of the fault is not mine, whereas before...at times I would say a lot of this year and last was on her. It was, to a certain extent. There was no reason for her to push that goddamn necklace story in the first place, nor should she have kept it going. She should have apologized and told the truth and not antagonized me. But that's not Shelly. I have this mental image of her texting boyz and generally causing trouble in the background. And there's no doubt that she HAS indeed done that. To what extent, I don't know. And I have no idea what she'll do in the future. For one reason, I can't accurately predict the future anyway...but I don't even know what's truth and what's fiction about the past. And I've certainly got to do my part. I can't sit here and "think" about things and "brainstorm". I've basically committed to a course of action and I need to hold myself to it. For whatever reason...and not just for "us".
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