Don't Know What To Say

Sometimes, the emotions can be overwhelming.  Embarrassment.  Guilt.  Shame.  Disgusted.  Even in the best of times, they have kept me from achieving.  I always agree with everyone, pretty much.  I can't even explain to myself most of the time why something was done or not done, etc.  I'm faced with so many "crises" it's pitiful.

• We need a decent primary vehicle.  Obviously, we can't afford new and could never get financed for new.  Our best bet is for Aircheck TX to come through.  I'm hoping since I have not received a rejection letter after 3 weeks that this means it has passed some kind of  "screening" and a voucher is on the way - but who knows?  My luck, it could have been trashed/they could have been overwhelmed by volume and it's taking longer/whatever.  If we don't get it, it will just be that much harder and we'll have to get by with even LESS of a vehicle.  Plus the fact that we can't  even get tags on the truck due to the emissions violation makes it seem like we can't even qualify for a repair voucher for the truck (if we don't get approved for a replacement voucher).  So we sit.
• Job - True enough, whatever other difficulties I might have, there's no reason not to necessarily put off a job search just because I have to get a replacement SS card.  I should get that stuff sent off asap and start the search.  However, due to the problems with the first bullet point, I just absolutely dread that.  Things are bad enough for me without worrying about getting fucking pulled over.  However, Shelly deals with it every day.  But it absolutely, positively HAS to be done.  I'm going to ask Lisel for suggestions tomorrow - hoping she might know of one where she works.  The need is there on several levels - basic financial to better than struggle to get by/save house/win back respect of wife and save marriage/win back my own self respect.  Whatever hopes I might have had at starting/succeeding at some kind of home based business were dashed long ago - and I guess some kind of freaking clerk is what I'll have to be.  If that's where I end up in life, so be it.  I will be forever disappointed in a way, but at least (hopefully) I can save my marriage.
• House -