I say this like there's a chance in hell...although I know there isn't. I don't know what to believe, I don't know what to think...and I used to think I did.
My personal opinion? We need to talk about a lot of things. In person. I don't know how or when it will happen, if it all. But it needs to happen. I need to know some things. I need to understand some things if I'm going to put anything behind me. Even then. I don't know. Even this thing about working Thanksgiving Eve. An excuse? Hell if I know. I shouldn't have to question things like that. Now I know...obviously there is nothing technical between us right now. So that particular thing? I'm not talking about it per se. It's just...all the other stuff.
I guess I've probably said this many times. At least to myself. Do I blame myself for feeling the way I do about "us" and our possibilities? Do I blame myself for wanting an explanation? Do I think she owes me an explanation? Hell, yes. And she just blows me off. Anything "raunchy" and I get blown off. Like I have no reason to be "raunchy"? And yeah. I need to change things. I need a job. I need money. I need an identity. A reason for being.
***More later, if possible****
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