Always A Bit Suspicious...

I guess I'm a bit of a conspiracy theorist when it comes to Shelly.  I'm always wondering why she does something or doesn't do something.  Or what it will mean when she doesn't do something or when she does something.  No wonder she drives me nuts trying to figure her out.  Damn.  Like...was she REALLY just going to the Mavs game with Debbie?  Why no pics on FB?  What if she doesn't send me a card or anything on Valentine's?  Don't care about a gift, although...it would be nice.

Does she post everything public except naughty stuff on FB?

I am just afraid that I will be sitting here thinking that things are looking positive and headed a certain way and boom.  Turns out she will have been dating someone all this time.  That is quite possibly my worst nightmare.

I need to do some research on the psychology of breakups/separations and understand things a bit more.  I also need to take care of "bidness".

One thing that has always bothered me is if we did decide we were "back together", how would we do this thing?  Especially with Todd apparently needing school down here?

• I need to get this shoulder MRI scheduled and done.  Who knows, perhaps surgery is  not necessary?  But if so, the sooner, the better - because of the below.
• It's preventing me from getting a job/car (or is it car=>job?)Possibly.  And as long as I don't have a job, she always has something to hold against me.  And basically, she's right.
• Also need to get going on BK.  I'd also like to approach her about "our" plans/"her" plans- is she going to have an apt by the time Todd is out of school? What are "our" plans as far as BK-fixing things (credit/esp)?
• At some point I'd like to ask her point blank if she's "dating" (seeing?) anyone and to tell me the truth.

I would like to be able to keep a level head/keep my cool and even if I run into a situation I don't like with her, somehow not do what I have been doing to this point and that is either react over the top immediately or work myself into a slow burn until it boils over and I explode.  It doesn't really help.  I know what my feeling is.  My feeling at that particular time is that I no longer care, I'm not going to put up with (fill in the blank with whatever particular bullshit it is)that anymore, and it doesn't matter what I say because I'm done and I'm not going to apologize for it and case closed.  Well, history tells us another story.  That I ALWAYS cool off and no matter how "right" I think I am, I back down.

As a matter of fact, I do despise a lot of this.  I do get very angry with her after the way she seemed to be all in last summer and then just turned it off.  I do hate thinking that she could be going out on dates.  And/or screwing someone on a regular basis while still proclaiming "I hope we make it" while in reality she's doing everything to prevent it.