I do have a tendency to focus on one thing and then just continually dwell on it for awhile, constantly reinforcing my belief that "it" or "this" proves "that" and "that" is just completely unacceptable. Then I usually begin the process of a slow burn until I erupt with a series of nasty messages that starts a huge argument.
Yesterday it was Valentine's Day. Certainly one of the biggies if you're in a relationship. And I was wondering what I would get. Card? Gift? Text? None of the above? Well, I got a text. Yes, it is a form of communication - but in this instance, it shows not much thought was put into your big holiday efforts for a "loved" one. And what really chaps my ass is to think that someone else (male or female) probably got something that I didn't. Which puts me right back into position at the bottom of the totem pole.
I know nothing. I have no idea where we stand (although I know it ain't good). There are currently no plans to do anything to file bk, no timetables, no nothing. I'm lucky if I see her once every 6 weeks. And no invites up there. No I miss u. No nothing. My mind screams out that...with all this and things that I do know from the past 6 months - it ain't good. There ain't no way in hell ANY of it is good. It paints a picture of a Shelly who definitely has minimal interest in me. And therefore little to none for planning "or fixing" our credit/etc to plan for a future.
Is it any wonder I'm confused? Well, I pretty much blame myself for "accepting" this, so to speak. There has been absolutely, positively, zero about it that I really do accept. Grudgingly or not. I absolutely hate it. I despise it. Gee, what is there to like about it? She went from all in to "hardly in". Seeing each other every 6 weeks. To Be Continued...
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