It's no secret I've had my ups and downs thinking about "us". Depending on the particular situation, it's ranged from optimistic to downright depressing. Sometimes within the same day. There were situations like yesterday, where I was close to sending one of my famous "I'm done" messages and putting on the text message blocker...to just putting on the text blocker. If only for no other reason than I hadn't heard from her in awhile. That day.
All of this really shows my insecurities. And insecure I am. Then again, I have almost NEVER been given a reason to feel secure. Shut out of her life (mostly), given sparse details. Told I am still loved (even to the extent of "Ass Finisher" after pushing Shelly about a relationship being told "I'm still in love with my husband"...but I've seen and heard all of that before. And wondered then (with good reason). I'll blissfully think we're on the right track and then....BOOM. As it turns out, absolutely NOTHING is ever like I thought it was. She started seeing Ass Finisher about a year ago. Which means she was seeing him during our "working it out" phase. To put it mildly, she's a horny lil' bitch who gets lonely and horny (message last night). And I'm not there. And can't be there. And she can't always be here. And it's always easier to lie to me.
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