I knew better. I knew better.
I need to make a solemn promise to myself. One that I need to keep this time.
I'm not going to sit here and say what I can do and can't do. Always famous last words. But I just don't want to get into it again. At all. Keep your mouth shut. I don't think I want to say anything at all. If I do, it will be very minimal. No rants. No texting abuse. No "informing that filing is imminent". I don't think I'm going to say anything at all. Goddamn. I knew I was fucking crazy for believing or thinking anything could ever work out for us ever again. I can't trust her. I can't believe a goddamn word she says. Just get it done. Soon.
Update Sunday, January 18, 2015 @ 3:50 am:
Well, I would say that "somehow I pulled that out of the fire" - but isn't this just one more instance of the same thing happening over and over again? Things going fine for awhile...then I start thinking of things as they are and the probability of them ever being the way they should be again...while she's out dancing.
I've just had the gut feeling for some time...increasingly so since finding out about Mr. Firedude and everything that has happened since then...that there was no way in hell things were ever able going to work out for us. I would expect that the odds have always been rather slim, but the longer it goes like this, obviously that feeling grows stronger and stronger.
I get so pissed with every event she does with Jolene and everyone else and the lack of attention she pays to me/us...not to mention the ongoing thoughts that she is doing a helluva lot more than what she admits to.
No...I would really, really be surprised if we somehow made it through this. I've already been away from her for almost 16 months...and counting.
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