It's Confusing As Hell

But I am fairly certain that we don't come out of this married for much longer.

I don't know what would be easier for me to follow or look at later.  I guess I'll go with bullet points.

• I know a lot of this does, in fact, stem from me not having a job currently nor for the past 13 years.  Believe me, this fact is not lost on me.  Shelly or no Shelly, marriage or no marriage,  it is a huge (Uge in ScooterSpeak™) issue.  It affects every aspect of my life.  Shelly likes to use this against me when applicable (such as when I get pissed at her...stunts)...but I know for a fucking fact that it is and has been for most of the time I have been here that WHERE I live has been a big sticking point for me.  There are other things, such as the huge, gaping Grand Canyon of 13 years on my resume.  The fact that I'm over 50.  The fact That regardless of age, employment history, etc...I have always had problems getting a job.  Not because I don't want to work...it's been a matter of finding something I like/qualified for (at least in the past).  Now it's just one big colossal clusterfuck with a 13 year hole in my resume...shitty credit...lack of decent opportunities/etc.
• Regardless of that...I'm still blown away by the events of the past couple of weeks (2.5, I guess).  The things I found in her emails and their implications.  Not to mention her reactions...and apparent lack of remorse.  
• Go back to last year and all I hear is "I really love you" and "We HAVE to work this out" (numerous times)...along with her willingness to "move down here".  We move this along to January, and I notice things changing.  Smaller things at first.  

Anyway, I'll probably come back to this later.   The gist of it is...it's a fucked up situation where one minute she is almost despondent about making it work and the next...she's trying to go after millionaires and fucking her boss.  And says nothing to me.