An Open Letter To Shelly

Todd & Shelly

1995-2014

Well, I suppose that's the way it will end up, anyway.  That's pretty much the way it is right now.
Since apparently you will hold the house/etc against me for the rest of my life, I see no point in trying any further - it's just a waste of time.

I'd like to first say a few things and make a few points.

First, I sincerely apologize for all the years I didn't do anything.  I've told you this before - it was never intentional, it wasn't because I didn't love you enough.  It was a combination of depression at first, and as time went by - utter despair and guilt that grew every day.  The longer it went, the worse I felt.  If you think I liked it all, you're horribly mistaken.  Nonetheless, I take responsibility.  I wish we had somehow found a way for me to overcome it.  I couldn't do it on my own, obviously.

As far as the house goes, yes, I take responsibility.  You're right - I never should have approached you in the manner I did at the time I did.  I've known that since a few days after it happened.  However, apparently you never understood how much I despised every time you and Cali were together - because it made you treat me like a retarded stepchild instead of your husband.  Simply put - the way you just JUMPED when he texted you out the blue two months after unceremoniously dumping you for the second time irritated me to no end.  It doesn't matter that "it was only sex" or "I was just a piece of ass to him" - it was the way you treated me when you were seeing him.  And it was nothing but CALI CALI CALI leading up to that last weekend, which led to our big fight and eventually not filing BK and obviously losing the house.

As far as you being unable to forgive me about the house, let me tell you a little bit about forgiveness.  At least equal to losing the house was what you did to me over the whole "cheating" mess.  

So what did I do?  Forgive you, after several days where I didn't want to.  If you think forgiving someone for betraying them is a trivial thing - well, let's just say I hope you don't have to experience it.  Just because I did it doesn't mean it was easy.  But I did it, because I wanted us to stay together.  Because you are my wife, and I always wanted it to stay that way.

I have already been out of your life on a daily basis for almost 4 months.  I have been without my son as well.  I always believed we could work through things if we tried - but this shit ain't trying and I have to have more than this.

Forgive my current, past and ongoing anger at anything regarding Cali.  Regardless of what you might say, I do take exception to that motherfucker causing a disruption in our life.  And I despise any contact with him you have, for any reason.