That I really don't know what the hell's going on.
I don't think it's any coincidence that I have dwelt more on it since I've been back on the meds. At first, it was mostly positive - but that somewhat coincided with the news from Mom that I had some potential job leads. I didn't know what they were or how I would like them - but they were JOBS doing something. And a job meant gaining self respect again after 10 years. It also meant $$, and it meant that Mom would help me get a car. To me what this meant was the opportunity to go up to FT Worth more often. It meant a path back to my family. Sometimes I'm ok with that. Depending on what day it is - or more likely - different times during the day.
There are so many factors. I feel like after 3.5 months +, every day is like an eternity. Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't.
I don't understand a lot of specific things. Especially things that have happened since I left.
***fill in here*** with things later - moving on to next topic
And the way we have been for the past week-9 days. She tells me a lot of things. And a lot of things are going wrong. I've helped with money - as much as I could - which I should.
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