I Don't Know Where To Begin

I really don't.  I don't know if the whole damn thing has been a sham from the beginning or what.  All I know is the same thing I've known for the past 12 weeks:  It's fucked up beyond repair for good.  And I know she will never do a goddamn thing about it.  Shelly has done just about everything in her power to aggravate/confuse/obfuscate/fillintheblank with whatever other word fits.  So...we go from her heartfelt "I still love my husband" on February 18 to me filing for divorce on October 2.  Apparently.  Whether or not I actually do it on that date is not the point.  It needs to be done, it has to be done and will be done.  Not doing it serves what purpose?  None.  All we do is drift further and further apart while she sits up there going to Grapefests, State Fairs, bars, whatever.  Fucking bitch.  I have gone from wanting to try to right whatever wrongs I had done and getting us all together to pretty much hating her guts for the things she has done and continues to do without regard to us.  The people who are supposed to mean the most.