One of the things that has bothered me lately is how "all of this" has affected my ability to "get things done". Obviously, this has been a problem for years. Not just the past few months, not just my time down here...the last 11.5 years. Really it's been longer, but it's been worse on the medication because that's when I started having the desire to "get things done" and yet...I don't get things done. It's frustration and the very issue itself is something that causes me much grief.
Monday, 9/14/15 will be 10 weeks back on the medicine after roughly 3 months without it. I hated that, of course, and couldn't wait to get back on. I needed to get things done. It's a common thing whether I've been out a week or two (due to medication mismanagement) or 3+ months (twice since I've been down here in 2 years) - Both times due to high blood pressure - and I really was pumped, thinking I would actually do something about it this time. Then came the "stalking me" incident and everything about it since then. Yes, I have fixated and dwelled on the ShellyIssues™ for a large part of that time. It has been huge. It has been emotionally upsetting and mentally fatiguing. The fact is, there has always been something like that and it always takes up my time. Here it's been various relationship/marriage issues with Shelly and what to do/how to go about patching up our marriage and why in the hell she does things the ways she does. I think...it's an incredible waste of time. Not that our marriage wasn't worth it, but it is one of those things that drives you nuts and something I will never reach a definitive conclusion on, regardless of how much time I spend thinking about it.
Back in the day, there was always something like this. Like my incessant search to find something I could working from home and why I didn't try harder and why I couldn't think about doing something productive with my time.
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