Not Too Many Other Ways To Say It

My personal opinions on things based upon what Shelly has said and the way she has acted overall:

• Overall, she really doesn't want me back.  She probably hasn't pushed for divorce due to finances and/or the fact that she would have to be paying out more $$ (400+?/mo)and legally obligated to do so vs the trivial amounts she spends monthly now (and only if asked).  Whether she admits it to herself or not...I'm just good to have around because Todd is down here with me and...I'm still around "just in case"...but only until she meets someone new.  In the meantime, she is free to do what she wants when she wants and her focus and concentration is on herself/Jolene/her friends up there, etc.  It's just not going to change.  It's not going to change regardless of what I do.  And I know damn good and well it's not going to matter what kind of job I have when I get a job.  She will never move down here.
• You want to think about someone you love not having the capability of being so goddamn selfish that they are willing to hurt everyone (including their son) regardless of the consequences.  Yes, she can.  She has been that way for the last 3 years and  nothing has changed.  She has been that way, she is that way, and she's going to continue  being that way until we get a divorce.
• About the only reason we've made it this far is that despite the things I don't think are right under any circumstances...actions/attitudes/approach...which tend to build up until I get so pissed off about them that I lash out at her...I eventually feel guilty about, apologize for, and several times I have sent flowers.  Other times I've made and sent cards and or online photo galleries...etc.  All the time things were at least as bad as I thought if not worse.  I just can't do that anymore.  I cannot apologize and/or send flowers to someone who knowingly is dating/screwing other people...ignoring us...and is going to keep doing it.  I just can't.