What I Think

I have come to realize a few things.  Things were never going to change.  For a lot of reasons.  And it's  not all her fault.  It's not all my fault.  In my mind, it's been a whole lot more of her over the last couple of years.  I've said this many times, but it remains true.  Things ebbed and flowed, but I always thought I had a grasp of our fucked up situation.  And it's because she is so fucked up.   You can't sit there and try to explain to somebody why what they are doing and thinking is wrong.  Somebody in the position she's in...doesn't want to hear it.  No matter what else she says about blame and who was at fault and this and that, there is something she says periodically that spells it all out.  My life sucks, it's falling apart, and I didn't do anything wrong.  I worked hard.  I had two jobs and I had nothing.  Right there says it all.  I didn't do anything wrong.  WRONG.  Damn wrong.  She's been doing wrong for the last three years and just doesn't get it.  Stupid ass fucking decisions and she doesn't even get it.  Sometimes you hear differently, and it makes you think.  Shelly, I wish I had your lifestyle.  No you don't.  I made some terrible decisions.  I lost my husband and my son.  Blah blah blah.  That person - you think she gets it.  It's just that person doesn't hang around much.  Just like the person who shows up and says she'd really like to work things out.  She doesn't get that all her lies and deception, even when they show up after the fact, create an atmosphere of mistrust that effect everything.  And she is perfectly willing to let everything go straight to fucking hell.  Lose her son and any real chance at reconciliation - just so she can continue the life she claims to hate but doesn't seem willing to stop.