- Some of her basic moral principles have changed beyond belief. Shelly and I were never the most religious couple (church, etc). But we both considered ourselves to be Christian and shared some of the same basic moral principles. It comes down to some pretty basic stuff about right and wrong sometimes. Or maybe it was something deeper that she couldn't overcome - such as really "loving" Cali all along. But the person I knew up until 3 years ago would have never cheated. Well, it happened. Horrible, but it could have been overcome. Except for the fact she refused to give him up. Ever. And basically blackmailed me into accepting him as her lover as long as she wanted him in order to save our marriage. Being in the shape I was in at the time (No job/no working car/Depressed/low self esteem/guilt) I thought my best chance to fix my marriage was to deal with it and hope that I could overcome. In my mind's eye I have a vision of being extremely pissed off at her over this at some point (Oct 2012?) - and I was determined to leave her. I went to Todd's school to pick him up and was waiting in the line of cars. He hadn't seen me yet but I could see him. And he was playing with his buddies, completely oblivious to the shitstorm that would happen if I followed through with it. I backed down because of this. This scene was to be repeated a number of times. She just WOULD NOT give up the stupid rotten bastard even though she knew she could never have a lasting relationship with him. At the cost of everything. Later, when it came down to filing bankruptcy in order to save the house, I was so sick and tired of her always running back to him after he had dumped her several times. 2-3 weeks before we needed to file BK to avoid foreclosure, he texted her and she was back. After I thought he was finally gone for good. I was devastated once again with her being "all in" to him. I thought I could make a common sense appeal to her. Give up the rotten bastard for good and we would file bankruptcy and save the house and our marriage. After all, he was ONLY a Fucktoy...and he was going to dump her again, without question. There's only one choice to make, right? WRONG. And to this day, she still blames me for all this. And I felt such guilt for so long. It's just that I didn't know the real truth until much later. After I had to leave to move down here, she went after him full throttle. Getting him a job at the paint studio and bringing him to family functions. Because she loved him and was going to have him at all costs. Even though she knew she couldn't have a relationship with him. And she lied to me to keep me off her back about him, saying she and Cali "had broken up". They hadn't broken up, she had kept seeing him all along. This and several other things that I know of...Softball Dad (assfucker) and Fireman. This after SHE wanted us to work things out. And I flat out asked her if she was seeing anyone else or planned to. She lied her ass off. She WAS in fact having her ass fucked by Softball Dad in his hot tub on a regular basis. And screwing Fireman later. I'd be surprised if there weren't a few others thrown in there. But she never, ever had ANY remorse about doing Fireman...in fact the only thing she ever had any remorse about that incident was that I found out about it at all. And she drunkenly told me about Softball Dad on her own. Yes. After it was over, apparently. She just didn't catch the simple fact in her drunken stupor that what she was telling me about happened AFTER she approached me about "working things out" and after I asked her if she was seeing anyone. Also...little comments like "You do better when you have competition" blah blah blah.
- The overall impression I get is that I am to blame for everything and I am the only one who has anything to prove. I need to "show my love for her" being all nice and sweet and ignoring her being on dating sites and screwing other people in the background. "It'll be like we're dating again"...she said one time. In other words, I (her husband) was to be one of many in the "competition for her". She could do as she pleased and the final decision was to be hers. After cheating and FORCING me to accept a worthless piece of shit bastard that she claimed was only a fucktoy (but later finding out it was much more and she made it much more)...she had nothing to prove. All she had to do was show up for one of our infrequent get togethers (maybe every 5-6 weeks) and other than that, it was all on me. She had done her part. I had to prove myself to her while she could do anything or anyone she wanted. All this while TODD is down here going to school HERE. 2 hours away. And the bottom line is that for us all to be together again, she would have to move down here. With her friends and family up there (not to mention job)...how likely was that going to happen? Never.
The bottom line is, with her overall attitude of I was the only one that had anything to prove and that she could do whatever she wanted in the meantime, and with us being two hours apart, I was always fighting a losing battle. Always.
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