Our marriage, that is. Not officially, but finally in my mind. There is just no coming back from this, ever. Unfortunately, (or fortunately, depending on your perspective) there is nothing I would apologize for, nothing to try for, nothing to hope for. And that's just on MY end. And I really, really don't care what she thinks. Because there is nothing she can ever say or do to make me put up with this shit again, ever. And so that, my friends, is that.
I cannot honestly imagine how in the fuck I EVER put up with this bullshit. I try to think back. Obviously it was HARD all the time. I know how she is. And it just got harder and harder on me to deal with. I guess it's kind of a mindset or something. When she was attentive and really made believe, I became less likely to let my mind wander about the possibilities of what she might be doing. But it was always there. And there's no telling what she has really done. But who cares? What I know she has done in the past is bad enough. And things really started clicking because of this summer. I knew that she was just going to drag this shit out and I could just see myself being tormented. I hope she gets to missing Todd. A lot. And nothing she can ever say will make me believe in her again. Ever.
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