Yes. There are very good reasons I feel the way I do right now. Why? Because I feel helpless. Because I am. The ONE thing that I need to be doing, regardless for the reason, is job search preparation (resume/places to go/friends that might help me get an inside track to a job and then, of course, to actually look for and get a job - I'm not doing. As a matter of fact, I haven't been doing a fucking thing for the last 3 weeks all because of this. And believe me, whether or not Shelly is "around" - this has to be done. Must be done. Will be done. The other primary thing is to get Imacros going and get it scheduled and learn how to master it. I haven't done that either. I've also got a lot of other stuff I'd like to be doing. Productive stuff.
I feel betrayed. I'm not quite sure if I missed something along the way or if all of this is a direct result of our big fight in May regarding the "Brighton Bracelet" - which led to Shelly saying something in May about us "taking a break" to "figure out what we wanted". Her other comment was that "my stuff bothers you" and I don't know what she said about me, perhaps it was my reaction to things and/or "job". I'm not quite sure what she meant at the time - I'm not sure she would have given me specifics - but after further review I'm quite sure I know what it meant. When Shelly talks about taking breaks, I'm sure she went right back to doing the same old shit. Some of it she never stopped. At any rate, she has barely talked to me this summer. Making me have one argument in June and then this ongoing one that started a few weeks ago. And ended Monday, I guess. In looking back over the conversations, she really didn't deny my accusations. And I know damn good and well she didn't just say that in passing or as a joke (She didn't suggest that she did-that was me).
So, what does all this mean? Well, to me, it all started 2.5 months ago with the Brighton Bracelet incident. Even though periodically there were plenty of others. I'd probably have to go back and look at the texts, but I know there was one in late April where Todd ended up going up there by himself because I was pissed at her. It was something regarding (at the very least) her smirking about Cali and how he was worth it because of the sex. That might have been funny to her, but it sure as shit is not funny to me. She should kick herself for being such a goddamn idiot about that. We do see things differently about that.
I didn't know it at the time, but I did have an inkling. When it came down to her jumping right up and going back to him every time he called after he had dumped her...her crying. CRYING...next to her husband...about some worthless goddamn piece of fucking shit dumping her. Knowing that she could not have anything. Only to have her choose that worthless fucking piece of shit instead of trying to save the house, her marriage, etc. She chose him specifically because she was never going to let him go. I don't know what the "thing" between them was at that time, but I'm quite sure it was already on its way. So I never had a chance. Had I not thrown down the gauntlet and we filed BK and I somehow managed to get a job and we saved the house...he always would have been around. If I had put my foot down, she would have just snuck around. And I still would have been tormented. Of course, there are several things that happened right after that - such as the truck clutch going out - that would have made it almost impossible for me to get some kind of job. It seemed rather doomed. So I ended up here. And she started lying to me. And had that motherfucker over for Thanksgiving dinner around family. And my son. And got him a job at the studio.
I just kick myself for putting up with this bullshit for so long. I saw it all happening before my eyes. The way she ignored Todd and I while we were down here, for the most part. Her life was her buddies/fuckbuddies/and Jolene.
Jolene, that little fucktard. Owed Shelly 3 or 4 grand. And Shelly just let her get away with it. Along with my money.
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