Known Unknowns?

Ha ha...I just had to think of a post title other than "I don't know..."

These days...that is possibly the perfect, all-encompassing title.  Because I don't know.  I can't say this is the lowest point, because some of the lowest points were the ones that I didn't know exactly how low they were at the time.  And that's pretty damn bad.  I just really, really question things these days.  She seems to ignore more texts than she answers.  I know she is under a lot of strain.  Financially.  And that is directed at me.  Why?  I don't know.  I'm not there.  She shouldn't be this bad off - but she is fucking her money off and most of the time I don't want to tell her that because that would not solve any problems.  It would just piss her off.

Some of the things she says sometimes..."I don't want you stalking me"... and other stuff she just doesn't talk about.  I don't want someone that goes out and gets shitfaced at a bar and ends up making out with someone and doesn't remember it.  I know a lot of stuff is somewhat hinging on my ability to get my shit together, but I have a rubbery feeling that WHEN I do...I'm still not going to get the answers I want to hear.  And that troubles me deeply, because I just simply cannot do this much longer.  Now - I'm not saying that I get a job in August and I give her 30 or 60 days.  But she better think twice about signing a year lease or something...she needs to do something to show me I'm someone other than somebody she's stringing along.