It Is What It Is...

I guess it would take someone much smarter than I to figure this one out.

I say that, but I'm pretty sure I already have it figured out.  It's just hard for me to accept the answer, because it's not the one I want.  What is the answer?  We aren't going to make it.  One way or the other.  Whether or not "This" is it or...something in the future, it's probably already done.  Blame, well...I know what I think.  Of course, I am rather biased.  It's like I used to tell Gary during his many Christian Mingle dating fiascoes, to a certain extent - when someone is interested in you, when they want to be with you (depending upon the stage of the relationship), they want to be with you.  They clear out their schedule to include you or be with you.  You get prompt responses to your texts/emails/voicemails.

Shelly - I don't know what her problem is.  Do I need to be employed?  Yes.  Lately, has it been all my fault?  No.  I understand a lot of things and have said this many times.  After all this time,  no matter what has happened, just about anything sounds like an excuse.  To me, I at least have made valid attempts starting from this time last year.  I was supposed to sub at Malakoff.  Mom just could not get it through her head that I needed a car, (thinking I could ride with Gary, even though I had told her numerous times THAT was impossible due it being way out of his way AND him already riding with Scott Lane.  Her position from the get go was that she was going to "help me get a car".  That changed after I got down here to "when you get a job"...which was going to be hard to accomplish with her schedule, etc.  And she flip flopped several times on me last August/September..."Lard, I don't wont to go into debt".  OK...well, but how does that get me a car to use for the job I have?  Should I have pushed harder?  Well...I feel very uncomfortable in this area.  I made my position clear.  Was I supposed to argue or throw a fit?  Then surgery.  And rehab.  Then no medicine for three months as I try to get blood pressure under control.

Well, I digress.