- I hate the way she treats me. And when Todd is here, the way she treats him. She makes hardly any effort to see us, much less invite us up there. The analogy I give of her treating us like old forgotten toys in the bottom of the toybox that she rarely takes out to play with describes it perfectly.
- I've always hated the way she is up there. She shuts us (me) out of her life. The only time she talks about "us" is generically when thinking about filing BK. When she goes out, (from stories she tells) she acts like she is a single woman. I think she enjoys the ego boost from guys flirting with her. She stays on a dating site. She may have only had one actual date (she claims) but she also said later (truth or not?) that is where she met her hookups/sex partners Fireman and Assfucker. She's always at bars. Maybe for a few drinks, but she doesn't know how to go home and watch TV or anything. She has a completely separate life. She doesn't want me to be any part of it.
- She never, ever apologizes for anything. Not Cali. Not Assfucker. Not Fireman. Not the Brighton Bracelet incident. Which SHE started. And then got pissed at me when I got mad at her about it. And then claims she doesn't remember telling me that story (drunk, but really?). Really. And this argument was a major one. After this she saids "we need a break to figure out what we want". Which set the tone for her hardly contacting me at all this summer, which led resentment to build up on my part, which led me to think about all these other things going on and the big blowup. I thank you.
- The phone. That I BOUGHT with money I couldn't afford...she is worried that since I helped set her up that I might be able to "stalk her" (see who's she's called, etc). So on top of this, we are back to her hiding shit from me. That...just really, really did it for me. That was the final straw. I'm surprised it took me a solid week (in reading the emails) to bring it up. But that was the final straw. It took away the last hope I had. It meant we were back to negative square zero again. Her definitely hiding shit from me, compartmentalizing her life, and making goddamn excuses. That really pissed the goddamn fuck out of me, which led us to where we are today. I started realizing that since we had sunk so far...that there was no way in hell I was ever going to be able to deal with her keeping secrets from me and there was no way in hell we could expect anything happening. Her move down here? Never. Todd has a job? OK. Well, you don't make enough money. Or she's dating someone else. And as much as it pisses the fuck out of me, it saddens me. Because this is really, finally the end. We can't go anywhere else.
- How in the Hell can she (or anyone) justify having sex with other people (and asserting their right to it) while at the same time stating "I still Love you and I honestly want things to work out between us"??? I don't care what the fuck else is going on, you can't possibly be serious about "working things out" and fucking other people. There is just no goddamn way anyone in this whole fucking world with a rational mind can justify that. I just have to shake my fucking head and walk away...because I was living in a dreamland if I ever thought this was going to work.
There is no way anything good ever comes from this. I will hold off on filing as long as I can, but I don't intend to have any further contact with her whatsoever. Because I don't deserve this. And as much as it hurts to give up and face this future, it's a matter of just getting it done.
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