Wednesday, September 12, 2012 - the day did not start off well. I can't even remember if I slept at all or whatever, I just remember being very upset and depressed with the "sudden" realization that there was no way in hell I was getting 8-900.00 for the ring, and even if we could combine that with 200.00 or so from the Guitar (and that in itself does not seem likely), we would fall far short of being able to "take care" of this rapidly expanding financial crisis.
Getting beyond the simple fact that there was no way in hell I should have been expecting something like 800+ from some kind of "buying exchange", it just sucked the whole day. Thoughts kept running through my mind like WTF - at 450.00 in the hole every month, how in the hell had I EVER expected to "catch things up?"
A couple of things (at least) made it much worse coming into September than expected. Shelly's "mis-deposit" was a mind-numbing, jaw-dropping shocker, but I still haven't been able to figure out how in the f*ck we ever spent somewhere in the neighborhood of at least 250.00 The thing I need to realize is that I will NEVER know what happened to that so-called "missing" 250.00. Between Shelly getting paid in cash from TXUCANPAINT, my withdrawing (at one point) 200.00 from Uone, there was too much stuff paid in cash to be able follow any kind of trail and eventually figure something out. Anyway, the point is, I don't know how accurate adding that 250.00 to the "WTF did u do with it" pile, but some money at least went into the "Black Hole". I'll use 200.00, so adding that to the 276.00 taken out by AACU after the "mis-deposit" leaves us with 476 ( round up to 500.00) going for stuff it shouldn't have.
Additionally, as I've said too many times to count, taking the blame for this final maddeningly financial insult is spot on. It is my fault. Being constantly under the gun, trying to make it through a week and then until payday kept me on edge all the time. I can honestly say I cannot function very well (if at all) during stress times like the past month-6 weeks up to Mid-May or so, right at the time of Mom's visit - when we started getting even further behind on bills and things started stacking up. However, the lack of said turmoil does not necessarily translate into Todd "being productive", either. I don't know. When I look back, either earlier this year or whatever - I know there certainly was no plan of how to "plug the gap". My thoughts usually did not go very far past the fact that having an 8.5 year hole in your resume doesn't exactly endear you to the Temp/Placement agencies. Who knows...
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