Well, This Is It

I'd be a liar if I didn't say this was going to be the most difficult thing in my life to deal with.  Suddenly, it doesn't matter anymore.  I have to do something about getting a job.  I don't have a place to live, nor the money to get one.  Not to mention the credit.  Mom's is not really an option, so I guess I'll have to see what I can do on 600.00.  All of this while dealing with the fact that not only am I not going to be married anymore, but my wife cheated on me and now I'm not going to see my son, either.  Is that not fucked up or what?

I've always had trouble trying to visualize my future.  Now it's even worse.  I don't even know what to say.  All I can say is my heart is broken and  my stomach is in knots.  My soul cries out for redemption but there is none - at least not today.

I guess you can mark Sunday, July 16, down on the calendar.  It's one I will never forget for the rest of my life.

I have no idea why I presented myself to her this morning during text messaging as "somewhat interested" in a reconcilliation.  I guess I can't help myself, knowing that leaving means going into the uncharted deserts of something new.  And to leave means leaving a wife and son behind.  I don't want to leave.  But I really can't bring myself to stay, either.  

Update:  Well, I'm (sort of) waiting on a response, but I think I already have my answer.  And it is the correct one.  It is painful to move on, impossible to stay.   This is a lose-lose situation, the damage has already been done.