I know when whatever arbitrary time frame I have set up before I just "absolutely, positively " have to talk to Mom has evaporated, I will be dreading that phone call or drive down there/whatever. I also know that it's not like I'm going to "not think about it" until that time. It's been a problem for a long time. Oh, it's bad enough when it's something relatively minor and/or I haven't requested help in a very long time. Plus, she knows we got that loan off the life insurance earlier this year. Not to mention I've already requested "help" several times. Further clouding the issue is I really don't know if she could come up with some larger sum or how quickly she could do it.
At this point, however, I realize one thing- I can't take this anymore. It's enough to drive one crazy. And it has driven me crazy. Not to mention walking around with a knot in your stomach, knowing how bad I feel, knowing I'm 99.99 percent responsible. This isn't like anytime before when we've had problems. I feel like (and probably am) "on probation" and we can't have more problems like this.
As I say, I don't know exactly what I'm going to do. All I know is I'm not going to sit around here on my hands for the next week or more trying to come up with interesting objects to sell (or hope to sell) on CL.
I know full well the problem does not end with coming up with whatever painful solutions get us through this month. We start all over again next month, so it's time for solutions and I need to come up with one.
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