Perspective, Or Lack Thereof...

Perspective.  I've thought a lot about it over the past few years, and quite a bit here recently.  Amazing how you can view a situation from a certain point.  Which makes me think that perhaps perspective is not what I'm getting at.  Or perhaps the right word.  It'll come to me, I guess.    I've thought a lot about various times, places, situations, events, circumstances and how they have made me feel.  The particular feeling I'm talking about now is worthless.  Worthless, such as being in a shitty financial situation that is both chronic and acute at the same time, and how, for the most part, I'm responsible - either directly or indirectly.  Directly by not having a job.  Directly, by meaning to do something about it when there was still a chance to do something about it, yet not doing so.  Directly, by not putting a stop to things that we could not afford because indirectly, I could get by with it.  It'd make things more palatable for the time being.  I'd work around it by meaning to address the issue "soon".  Soon became "later".  Later became never.  And like I famously said a few weeks ago, what did it solve?  Nothing.  Absolutely nothing.  I really didn't think there would be a day of reckoning.  Not like this.  I could leave now and no one would even miss me.  Hell, they'd even cheer, probably.  And I would have nowhere to go, and I would have nothing, and no one would even care.