Well, I certainly need to have a better attitude than this. I was afraid this would happen. It's just like any other time, I might as well be 21 years old with Penny or 28 with Janiece. I bought into something hook, line and sinker after it was already done, spoken and over with because it somehow soothed my feelings.
I know I have not given it a chance yet, but I can just see it now. I will be on public trial from here on out without ever being able to make up for anything I ever did. I will come last, because I'm the old stupid fart that is always going to have false teeth, not the hot young stud you find in the club. I thought maybe, just maybe, I at least could be number one. What will I be? Number 3 or 4?
I sure hope I don't have this same attitude later today.
It might not happen today, but I can sure see myself getting jealous. I don't even know if I want to give it a chance. And if I don't I'm just going to go jump off a goddamn cliff somewhere. I knew I made a mistake with the sappy references. I have a feeling no matter what I do from here on out, I won't have a chance. I'm always going to be competing with Shelly's progress towards working out and how she looks to go out to clubs.
Perhaps it's unfair to say this. I really don't know how anything is going to turn out. Here I am making assumptions without even knowing.
It's either that, or what I already know. Even before whatever fooling around there was.
I get the glasses, hair pulled back hastily and whatever. They get the skin tight jeans, makeup to the 9's and a drunken Shelly ready to perform.
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