I guess I could write a book on this subject now after 8 weeks. Yes, it was 8 weeks ago that Shelly & Toddles came home from Florida. I picked them up about 5pm. To sum it all up? Gee, is there a word count? Actually, it would be fairly easy unless I tried not to duplicate what I've been saying on just about a daily basis for the aforementioned 8 weeks.
A lot of it has been good. For the most part, we both are more loving and caring about each other. The sex is much better...but along those same lines, there have been many well-documented problems, which have led to some major arguments and a lot of bags being packed. It's kind of easy to sum up that part - at least to describe the details of what happened. To understand exactly WHY they happened and the extent to which I got so angry...is another. Most of the time it happened because I was reading things that I shouldn't have been reading. I either misconstrued them or...whatever. And pretty much every time it's been the same thing. I think it was one thing in the beginning ( the first time)....but this last time? Danm...well, I've already described in a previous post how much I couldn't believe the intensity of my anger...mostly over the same stuff that has been hashed and re-hashed over and over again. I should know better. All it does is cause trouble and start erasing any of the goodwill that I have established. And I think (I know) I have done a very good job BESIDES those "times"...but the reality of the situation is that those various arguments/fights/whatever...have really hurt me and my standing. And some of the other stuff that has happened...checking account fuckups...and even within that framework...how could so much of it have been blown? Hell, it's even been 2 weeks tomorrow since I went to the Dr and 1) Got the Xanax I had hoped would resolve a lot anxiety and the problems it has caused 2)Got some of the information I needed to proceed (or not proceed) with the disability claim. And that is a big thing, considering it's probably been roughly a month or so since we made the decision that it might be better for me to concentrate on getting the disability claim pushed through and therefore not trying to find employment...at least under my name. Yes, I'm very, very aware of what has happened since then...how could I not be?
There are definitely some things I'm not fond of...and it really, really makes me wonder if I ever really do have a chance. Obviously it was never going to be simple or easy...even just the getting a job part...but when I hear her talk about "his" sex...I wonder what it will ever take.
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