After Three Years, I Finally Found Out How The Story Ends

Technically speaking, I just figured that it has been 3 years and 18 days.  That's since I found out Shelly was cheating with "Cali" and the day my (our) lives changed forever.

How does the story end?  Hint:  Not well for me.  Collateral damage:  Todd.  How did I find out how the story ends?  Well, time.  And more time.   Unfortunately, it's only been due to the passage of time that this ending has become known to me.  And I wish much less time had passed.  I suppose that's normal for everyone.  But it took me 2 years of being separated and seeing the same things happen over.and.over.and.over again. Ad nauseum.  For 3 years, I've lived with this spectre of Shelly's demand that she be able to "do as she pleases" read:  Fuck whoever she wants.  1 year living together (our last) and 2 years separated.  That demand has never changed.  In three longggg goddamn years.  And it gets old after awhile.  I don't know which was worse - knowing it was going on when were still under the same roof or trying to figure out from 135 miles away whether or not it was.  And fuming about it when finding out all too often that it was, indeed going on.  Regardless of what I might have been told earlier.

I don't know why she would never back down from that, even for a minute.  A day.  Stubbornness?  Insatiable lust?  Perhaps a little of both.  I.don't.know.  Between that and the constant fights over her right to do so, as well as the lies spewed regarding such matters, it got old.  But I never got used to it.  I just finally got tired of putting up with it.  And realizing no matter what fallout it caused, she was going to damn well do it.  And I suppose she's well prepared, since she seems so well integrated into life without me.  Or Todd up there.  So much so that she can't manage to see either one of us more often than every 6 weeks or so.  And that's the guesstimates from the whole last year.  That tells me I'm defeated, and have been for a long time.  There will be no more carefully crafted, well thought out emails regarding "us" and how to fix our marriage.  It's broken, irreparably I'm afraid.  And there are no spare parts to fix it.