Tuesday, October 13, 2015

I Don't Know What To Say, Part ?

The ? is because I've probably used this title for posts more times than I can count.  If I haven't, it's only because I've at least thought that way numerous times.

I really have no delusions.  There's been more than enough time to figure this out.  And it ain't even close to being figured out.  I have my own opinions why.  I blame her.  And perhaps that's not right, but I can't help but feel I'm closer to being right about this than she is.  The only thing that matters is that we can't seem to work things out, for whatever reason.  I know what she thinks about me.  And to some extent she is right.  But she sure put me in a shitty spot to try to become a provider.  And she's made me feel that no matter what I do, nothing will ever be relevant.  And I've heard so many different things I can't help but think that it's true.

I don't want to hear "I don't know what I want"...that it's a "small step" or "dating/screwing other people" or "I don't do as much as you think" "I have sooo many men over here".  I don't care.  One is too many.

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