Regardless Of What You Might Think

Not that it really matters, but I had no idea you were on vacation, and you act like somehow I thought you weren't entitled to a vacation.  That's one thing that I don't hold against you.  What you think are random blowups are the result of doing a not-so-slow burn over the last 3 or 4 months.  Resentful and angry over being lied to repeatedly.  Resentful and angry that we mattered so little that you couldn't make the time to see us more often than every six weeks or so, but you could find time for hanging out at bars and concerts and festivals.  And your hookups.  You were always so quick to point to my failures and what I did but when it came to you, you wouldn't take responsibility for anything you did.  There was never any remorse about the shitty things you did, especially over the last year.  There was never any remorse because you weren't sorry.  And you still aren't.   I asked you point blank last year if you were seeing anyone or if you planned to.  And you denied it.  Because if you were, I was out.  When you denied it, in reality you were getting your ass fucked in Assfucker's hottub.  A few months later you were screwing the fireman.  No remorse.  No apologies.  And certainly you weren't going to stop.  I just got told "Don't worry about what I do up here".  Well, you got it.  I won't worry about what you do up there.  All I ever got was ignored or snarky-ass responses. Or told what a miserable failure I was. You bring up stuff about me cleaning up our credit and ignore the fact that I've brought it up several times.  Told you exactly what we needed to do and told you I was ready when you were...and just flat ass got fucking ignored.  It got so bad I realized that nothing I ever did would matter. You're already doing what you want to do.  You enjoy it.  I've told you repeatedly I'm not here because I want to stay here.  My plans were always to get back up that way.  Better jobs.  Fun things to do.  Social life.  That all changed when Todd moved down here.   We will make the best of it.  I'm tired of being resentful and angry.  Obviously this is the way you want it because all along you've been bound and determined to have it your way.  You've refused to see it any way but your way.  I'm tired of talking to a brick wall and I'm tired of the blame and deception.  I'm tired of everything the way you do it.  I'm tired of being told that I have no reason to be upset.  I'm tired of being told my thoughts and feelings don't matter.  And worse, being shown they don't matter by your actions.   I'm tired of the Calis and Assfuckers and Fireman.  Well, now you have it your way.