None of it. Absolutely none. But I'm guessing it never will, and there is absolutely zero chance that we will ever be together. So...I have very important things to do, like getting on with my life. Because of the things I know, I absolutely, positively refuse to even allow myself to think of the possibility of "us" getting back together. Shelly made absolutely sure of that. Any further attempt by myself to even try is futile and a waste of my time. I already have enough problems with making good use of time.
The only thing I have left is Todd. And he's the only one who will ever give me a chance to redeem myself, so he HAS to be my focus.
I find myself thinking various nefarious things about Shelly. It used to be a suspected relationship with Cali. Well, that's been proven. Now there's this ongoing "problem" of hers - "always being broke". I could never make sense of it - even when Todd was there. And supposedly Jolene has been working the last two months at Genares. From what I can figure out, Jolene would not have much breathing room @ 10.50/hr after taxes and insurance...max somewhere around 100 bucks. So I could easily see her falling somewhat behind. What doesn't make sense is that unless Shelly is taking off from Genares (a possibility, but I don't see how until lately due to "busy season"...she should be at least +1100/mo. And "supposedly" Jolene is "working overtime" to pay her back. I'll bet that's bullshit. But she's received 1200.00 from Jolene and her share of our tax refund in the last couple of months. She doesn't have a car, so no car payment. Not paying a divorce lawyer, that I know of. Not paying Bill back, that I know of. Hasn't filed bk. I have no idea how in the fuck she could be broke or anything close to it. It just makes me start wondering. The most obvious answer is that Jolene's still somehow managing to fall behind. But shit...it would have to be a lot to devastate 1100.00/mo. Not to mention the extra 1200.00. Of course, I could never figure out where our money went either. Drug problem? Slush fund to go on a secret vacation? Hell, she says she is not even saving for a car. I probably don't want to know...but considering how much I think I know she loves her son...if she is doing some kind of slush fund...fuck. I don't know.
It seems that this day (Tuesday 5/13/2014) might be destined to be one of those "down" days. I'm still looking forward to it. I have the place to myself for about 7.5 hours. Longest time of the week. I've generally always liked Tuesdays, ever since I realized this was Mom's long day of the week. With some of the pressures of having Todd here, it's really been nice. But it's also one of those days where I know I have shitloads to take care of and things I might not have an opportunity to do otherwise. And somehow I always manage to fuck it off in its entirety. And that generally upsets me - just like it used to do at "home" - Keller.
I've barely slept. Possibly up to a couple of hours. Kept thinking about Shelly and my mind would wander from thoughts about "us" or lack thereof...to the deception, etc. And then looking at Todd's tablet and seeing the messages about wanting to take him to Galveston...just kind of hurts. That plus looking at her Facebook page. And Jolene's...making me think once again what in the fuck is going on with Shelly's money. IF she is indeed "flat ass broke" every month after working two jobs, etc...I do feel sorry for her. I've gone over her finances. One way or another...she's either got to be completely fucking it off or having to cover for Jolene. And after all this time if she still has to do that and doesn't say a fucking word to her except it's ok...I do feel sorry.
I'm fairly certain that Todd really does want to come back here to school. I've explained to Todd and Shelly that I intend to be working and have a place. Now Shelly, I don't know if she would ever believe that. I know Todd loves school here and I think it would be a big mistake if he went somewhere larger. I mean BIG MISTAKE. I know at this point Shelly wants him to. And he wants to. Let's hear him/her say that in 3 months
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