First and foremost, the number one thing that gets me upset is the way Shelly treats me in regards to sex. I've always kind of known it, it took awhile for it to hit me, but when it did, it hit me like a ton of bricks. From the lack of passion to brevity of the act itself (including actually being told to "hurry up" or "don't hold back" - it is such a slap in the face. And I can't think of very many times (if any) that it wasn't like that since "the incident" September 2012. She has told me why again and again. I understand it. Perhaps I am really kidding myself to think that it can ever be regained. But I guess I've always held on to that hope.
There's nothing quite like realizing your wife is a horndog for everyone but yourself. Obviously, I don't have quite as much time to think about it as before. There are times it gets to me, like when she's out. Realizing that the one and ONLY way that anything can ever be regained is by me getting a job/being able to support us - and that is such a huge thing. It's like searching for bigfoot or the holy grail or something. I'm not stupid or naive enough to believe that me having a job/providing income = Todd & Shelly love4eva and eva now. I don't know how easily that stuff can be turned on and off and/or can it ever be turned back on it again. However, I do know that it has been a major source of friction forever that led to the cheating/etc.
It does make me very sad - much more so as time passes by. I have a wife I consider hot/beautiful and she's a damn sex machine like you'd want to watch in porn movies. Except she doesn't like sex with me. Just everyone else.
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