I Really Hate My Life

as well as myself, for over the years letting myself wallow in guilt and shame until it has reached a point such as this.  A point where I have a warrant out for a ticket I can't afford to pay - that I got because I can't afford to have a vehicle that is legal.  My credit is shot because I haven't worked in 9 years.  I don't have insurance so I can't get medicine and health care/eye care that I need because I haven't worked in 9 plus years.  That notwithstanding, I have been very depressed over the years.  I wish somehow, some way somewhere over the years I would have gotten the right help.  Not just over the last 9 years but somewhere in my lifetime.  Perhaps that would have allowed me at the very least to be stably employed, if not to reach my potential.  Which certainly is NOT this.  Most of the time I'm about one step away from killing myself.  It's too bad they don't pay out life insurance $$ upon death of any sort - otherwise I would have done it by now just to help out Michelle so she could move on with her life.