Well, so far I have not made much progress. I have been entering a few sweeps but not via Imacros, which is the kind of thing that Shelly wants to see (and I want to do) in order to be successful in the long run.
This morning, I had one of those "thoughts" or perhaps an epiphany, although I wouldn't necessarily call it that. It's just that everything that has happened recently made me focus on it again. I'm speaking of everything...stuff like credit screwups that I'm responsible for (either directly from something stupid or because we didn't have $$ to pay a bill) to the house/car (obviously the car is a credit screwup issue) to not helping with sweeps or even necessarily house keep-up on a regular basis, to not loving, caring, and being dedicated enough to make Shelly happy either directly by doing stuff with/for her and treating her better (just generally overall) to sex.
Shit, isn't that one of the screwiest cruel ironies of all? For not being that physically attracted all these years, even perhaps some of the earlier years when she was about as skinny and perhaps as in as good a shape as she is now to just absolutely wanting to rip her clothes off and ravage her body over and over again? Not to mention the "Love" thing. It would seem that "a little old-fashioned karma " is taking place here.
I know it sounds a little bit hollow, considering right after the "reconciliation" I said and felt the same way. I would tend to say that I have basically stuck with a lot of that, although we haven't had the $$ for me to do a lot of what I want...and most of our arguments/disagreements have come over sexual stuff -mostly about other people - but what she doesn't always get is that it's not about them, it's the lack of whatever for me. I don't know - I just need to forget about that stuff for now and concentrate on doing what I need to do for now.
Addendum: 3/21/2013 @ 8:17 pm
Well, especially after that speech above, you'd think that I worked really hard today. Unfortunately, nothing of the sort happened. And I really don't know why. I am getting quite worked up over the house/car/current financial situation. I can't say as I really blame myself - but again - what does Shelly do? Go to work and work hard. I'm ashamed of myself. I just can't fucking think straight, I do know that. I'm just sitting here at the computer staring mostly. As far as near term financial future, depending upon WHEN she actually gets paid (and how many hours she works tonight), she ought to have somewhere around 150 bucks coming. That's something.
Best case scenario (with Shelly getting 150 bucks) is that we're 75 bucks short. And that's assuming she gets paid.
No comments:
Post a Comment