Todd's (Un) Biased Opinion For Today...

Sometimes, a lot of times, I really don't like the way I am.  The way my mind works, the way my brain functions.  The mechanisms I developed over the years to cope with the way I am - whatever they are.  I do know what they are.  They're all the shitty ways I go about handling/not handling stuff.  So far, so not so good.  I'm not trying to make excuses - although it sure as hell sounds like it, doesn't it?  By the time I got the meds again after almost six weeks, we're knee deep in trying to save the house AND somehow purchase a car.  Throw in more than a little financial buffoonery, and this is what you have.  Yes, this is the 14th day on the medicine.  Obviously just starting the 14th day.  I haven't got near enough to show for it, considering how important I consider it.

Just a thought after my rudimentary financial "analysis" since the first of March.  At this point in time I am/we are - the same way with $$ that we always have been.  It's probably very typical of people who don't know how or don't care to manage their money responsibly.  I can't get any closer than 550.00 of figuring out how we "blew" all that money and put ourselves in this predicament on acute financial meltdown.  And that's on top of trying somehow to save the house AND get a freakin' car financed.  Just our luck - one of the few breaks we've received lately is me coming across the "replacement" program of Aircheck Texas (3500.00 voucher towards an approved new or used car).  In the process, I went ahead and did our taxes and I think our refund "would have been" 4600.00.  Except, of course, for owing the IRS.  The good news is, we should qualify for it - but since we can't afford to get the vehicle in to "fail" the emissions test that it surely will and therefore qualify us for said program - we are wasting time, if not putting ourselves in a position to miss out on the funds.  Already, unless something radically changes, we won't be able to afford it for another 8 days.  They say it might take 45 days to get approved.  That could 53 days...almost two months.

All I know is this - I can't sit up here another night and not do anything. 

Somehow, I stumbled and plodded my way through my 40's - tripping and fumbling like someone who gets up in the middle of the night and can't find the light switch.  One day I woke up and I was 49, my wife was about to leave me, and...I became aware again.