Todd's Random Thoughts For The Day

Well, I can honestly assure you that I wish we were not going.  That's a helluva drive and we've got a lot to do.  But I ain't going to be the naysayer - not me.  It's kind of funny, looking at those words after I typed them and realizing how many times I had thought/said whatever the same thing but for different reasons.  Shelly did take Thurs/Fri off (4 day weekend) and I know she needs a break.  When I think about the bombshells I've dropped on her lately...man.

That being said...well, what would I accomplish if I stayed here?  Forget for a moment it's not about "not wanting to go because I just don't wanna do that"... but still.  It's like a lot of things I think like that...well, If I'm gonna do this then I better do something worthwhile.

Another strange thought just went through my head.  Of all the things I have wanted to do since our reconciliation - screwing things up has not been one of them - but I've done a freakin' lot of that lately.

• House problems - my fault
• Trouble getting car financed/etc - my fault
• Overall general financial problems - my fault

...and on and on it goes.  Those things we are up against...car/house damn.  It always seems like we are beating our heads against some 10 foot monster...something that just can't be overcome without worrying about mind numbing calls to Mom and/or divine intervention.  And when I know 95% of it is my fault.  Yeah, that's quite a burden to carry.

And yet, as always, I tend to think a lot about those times where there wasn't such a heavy burden for me to carry.  I think about them and wonder why I couldn't somehow make myself take advantage of the lack of stress in those times to actually take care of things - do positive things.  And I don't know why I couldn't.