As I Sit Here

Days away from knowing whether or not we have the ability to keep the house or not (either via last minute approval for loan mod one way or the other or possible Chapter 13 BK), I reflect on my many, many mistakes that led us to this point...

• Not having the ability (for some unknown reason) to get a budget done and stick to it, eliminating thousands of dollars of wasted money and leading us down this path to financial self-destruction.  It's a very large reason why we are here today - the continuation of this after "reconciliation" led to not being able to pay bills/depression/frustrastion/eventually falling behind of the house again and putting us where we are today.
• Not getting involved in sweeps a lot sooner.  That was one of my stupidest mistakes.  All of the times I dreamed of finding something worthwhile to do at home and NOT have to go back out to the "working world" (or at least until I felt like it) - this was one that was very proven to a large extent by the time we moved in here, if not much sooner.
• Not having enough faith or being pushed harder to find some help with depression when it was obvious something was wrong a long time ago.  Even though I was on antidepressants constantly (until about 1.5 years ago) - it wasn't helping much.
• Not managing the medication a lot better.  So much time wasted due to being up so late and feeling like shit with little to no sleep, causing things not to get done even while I had the medication and then running out early every month, leading to another week or so of downtime each month.