Obviously, I tend to carry around a lot of guilt. And shame. I've always had a particular disgust for myself and my failings ever since VZW. 9 years now. As the years dragged on - it just got worse. I know how bad it's been for Shelly and things have really come back to bite us on the ass over the past year or so. I can hardly forgive myself for things I've done and not done over the years. And things have just piled on and piled on...so much there have been so many times I just didn't want to live. I wish I could say that I've "persevered" or somesuch - but that would not be the correct term. I wish somehow I could have pulled myself out of this a lot sooner. I feel bad about myself, what I've done to Shelly and Todd. His weight that we haven't been able to control now getting wildly out of control.
Lord, I thank you for my life. I thank you for all the blessings you've bestowed upon me in my life. My wife, Todd, Joe, Mom - all my close friends and family. Lord, I ask that you forgive me of my many sins. I ask that you give me strength to do the things that I have not been able to do for a long time - forgive myself for past mistakes and be able to move forward to support my wife and family as I should - especially upcoming - to do whatever I can do to help save this house from foreclosure, save my marriage and keep this family together and heal us all. Lord, there are so many reasons. I don't want to lose my wife and son. I don't want them to be with anyone else. I don't want this to be my legacy. Please help me find a way. I ask these things in Jesus' name. Amen.
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