Thursday, May 16, 2013

I Think...A Lot Of Things

about a lot of things.  One thing I think about constantly is how sick I am of this house thing hanging over our heads and how it has made our relationship even murkier.

First of all - yes - it's my fault.  My own doing.  There's a lot of things I consider both of us at fault for, at least to some extent.  I usually take the blame for the finances/budget/credit/etc due to the fact I'm the one who hasn't provided an income in 9 years/I've handled the "finances" and for years knew I needed to find a way to budget/manage them better.  Obviously, due to the first two on the list the last one suffered greatly.

At any rate, all I know is - with this being Mid-May, I've been scared shitless about the house for over 5 months now.  Our relationship has been on a lot of shaky ground ever since Mid-January (due to the hot tub incident) and has only gone downhill since then.  I have never felt so helpless in my life.  I've felt helpless before - but when it comes down to being able to take care of something that REALLY affects your relationship with you wife - especially under our "circumstances", it's really upsetting.

With the proverbial "shit hitting the fan"about 5 weeks ago, when we had to return Terry's car and found out the loan mod was denied the very same day - it's been almost sheer torture since then.  Having to deal with Shelly's anger/feelings towards me regarding both the car and the house situation AND having two uninspected/tagged vehicles...not to mention carting Joie's ass around...well, I've just hated it.

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