As you can tell from the post title, this is a continuation of the massive "Man, I Tell You What..." thread started yesterday? Early this morning? Kinda wanted to keep all of this linked together. Sometimes I have trouble formulating ideas and/or keeping them together in any kind of format whatsoever, much less coherent.
Well - that was a lie. What was? Telling her it wouldn't bother me for her to have Cali over the new house tonight. Kinda made me understand a few things from her responses. But in some ways, I am as confused as ever, and really convinced of the finality of it all, just through its very nature. Also - something she said about "Well, we're getting along really well now". Well, who knows. I've already heard plenty. But I've kind of wondered a few things. True, things have been hectic for her. And she's trying to get everything done with the house and settled and stuff. She has shitloads to do. But spending a lot of time with me...and sex with me? Sounds like it's just because it's easier for her to do that now and keep me satisfied than go our whereever and piss me off. Because like it or not, me pissed off is one more thing she has do deal with plus she ends up losing a lot of help/cooperation from me. That she needs right now - in some ways. At least it makes it easier on her. I wonder how much of all of this is...let's see - how shall I say it - "Forced"? "Sham"? Not necessarily telling me what I want to hear. Just - avoiding those issues by not upsetting me right now.
It's like I've repeated over and over and over again. She has stated what she intends to do. She confuses the issue sometimes like 8/17-KU concert night when she was talking about being together as a family, yet refusing to yield on anything...then talking about the year lease on the house and like it would be some big deal for me to move in there if I had a job and we were...moving back to normalcy.
I hate to keep repeating myself - but...it almost sounds like she doesn't really "intend" to "do a lot". Now, before you take that as me thinking she will be innocent. No. Worse than Cali? Who knows? Or what I can stand? I just know me. I know I will be jealous and a basket case when I leave here. Not just from being at Mom's for any length of time (although that will present its own unique challenges, like lack of internet access, etc). But - it would be the same thing...and kind of will be...even if I'm up here but only around them limited amts of time. Or even if things go well and I get a job but she still puts me off. And that's the thing. Me - lots of things to do, lots of possible down time at Mom's before even getting back up here. And then the real challenge - getting a job. Assuming anything is there still? I mean jeez...even Toddles saying "I miss Daddy" will start falling on deaf ears after awhile. Especially if she keeps him happy in video games.
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