The Sum Of All Fuckups

Well, I tell you what.  I don't know who's right and who's wrong or if up is down or left is right.

After all this mess, who can figure?  I have to admit.  Especially when I'm upset, I tend to start thinking a certain way and have tunnel vision after that.  So who knows?  I don't.  I'm not backing off my statements or my theories, I can guarantee you that.  If I'm not right on everything, I'm close enough to make the stand I'm making, anyway.

There's several simple, basic facts that are fairly obvious to me:

• She's addicted to young cock, and that's all there is to it.   I would not be a bit surprised if she has lied her ass off about me and our previous circumstances and/or anything else to get him back.  If she doesn't, she'll find someone else, I'm sure.  She was planning on it being him.  I'd bet I'd shit bricks if I knew the truth.
• Be it general CockTrolling™ or Cali - she's let it get to the point where it has interfered in our marriage.  I'm no expert, but I have seen what has gone on the past year and I can use my brain.  Once they start doing that - what is the use of an old husband, even if he tries?
• She just has to use extramarital sex as an excuse.  This whole last year, and it didn't have to be that way, especially after awhile.

I could go on and on.  Making a special note that after bullet point #1, there was probably about a 2 hour time gap between updating.  Please update your records accordingly.

I don't know what is going on, but I'm quite sure she is trying to convince him to come back.  Now you look at that a couple of ways.  I don't happen to like it at all.  Which is what has led to all of this.  While I hate myself for thinking and saying most of the things I did, I take it as a personal insult.  I won't forget it.  Whether or not that matters - I don't know.  It's like I've said too many times, especially over the past almost 6 weeks - I've lived through being cheated on.  I've lived through a lot of things in this marriage I never, never thought I would have to deal with.  Most of the time I thought we would make it.  This - I don't know- but I would be shocked if anything ever became of it.  And despite everything - I despise the fact that she has chosen to do it this way - and I know why and I hate it.

I'm going to try to keep my mouth shut and be civil.  I hope she can at least do that and not do anything to cause incidents.  After the past few weeks, that would be a major  breakthrough.  If it matters by then - I will say something.  But there is no point in maintaining the facade of a relationship while she's "doing what she's doing".  And I want no part of it.