Odds???

I guess I'll be lucky to even get a response.  If anything, I will get some snarky-ass response, something along the lines of "I didn't know I needed your permission - we are separated" or "That shouldn't have even been an issue" or "I've told you over and over again - get a job" or "blah blah blah I feel comfortable with Cali".  Yeah, and any one of those fucking responses and I'm just about ready to tell her to go take a flying leap and our marriage with it.  I'm sick of this bullshit.

She just has to think she's right just about every time - especially on issues such as this.  I swear, I am done with that close-minded, selfish outlook with someone paying lip service to our marriage.  She gives me that shit again and I'm making arrangements to just get the fuck out of Dodge today.

Sometimes, she gives me hope with things she says and does.  I don't know.


Update:  9/7/2013 @ 7:47 pm

Even though I just went through my garage tirade in which I assured myself that I "wasn't gonna take it anymore" -  I am willing to compromise.  Shelly?  Her idea of compromise is to only drink 3 bottles of wine instead of 4.  And yeah, as hard to believe as it is, I'm a little bit pissed right now.  I know she's got a huge class and between that and her natural tendency to blow off some of my emails - well..sometimes she's not prompt.  As pissed as I am right now, I'd really prefer not to leave on a sour note.  Plus, there are potential financial and health benefits to staying, as well as helping out with transportation/etc - as long as Shelly can work from home.

Still to accomplish:

• BP meds.  At this point, there is no other choice but JPS Emergency room.  This really is a necessity, whether or not I want to keep the Adderall (which I do).  Obvious other health reasons apply first.
• JPS - regardless of "our" outcome, I would like to have the satisfaction of having Todd set up on JPS Connect.  It is extremely necessary.  Todd should not have to suffer just because we are fighting.  He's suffered enough.
• Cash 4 Keys/Sale of Truck/Misc sales of appliances/garage sales.  Could add up.  Of course, I'd probably have to stay at least a week to see a garage sale, etc.  I don't know if that's gonna happen.
• Something legal regarding warrants/tickets/etc.  Kinda depends on what  gets sold/how much shit costs/etc.
• Helping Shelly move (brownie points?)

It just drives me fucking batty that she acts like she has crowned herself Queen and dictates the rules.  One would take it that she doesn't give a shit with that kind of attitude.  And during arguments about the same ol' shit, I would tend to agree.

I kind of go back to a thought I had earlier.  All of our fights seem to go back to the same basic (but extremely important) arguments.  And when we "kiss and makeup" it's pretty much shoving everything under the carpet for awhile.  The same old fate awaits me - the dates have been pushed out - but inevitably, the trip to Mom's has always awaited me.  Then the requisite getting things taken care of.  I just - I'm just so fucked up I don't even know.  And I don't even have a fucking car.  It would be kind of nice to have some kind of time frame set up - but I just have no freaking clue.  None.  Zero. Zilch.  I don't know shit about anything.  I don't even have the slightest clue of whether or not Shelly and I will still be trying to work things out much longer.  Which brings me back to the original point I started out with in this paragraph:  The whole "basis" of our relationship for the past 5 weeks and how Shelly sees it moving forward - which it has varied from none to a lot to whatever.  I don't want to be involved in any kind of dating shit.  Which means if things go like they normally do, we'll make up (maybe) or not? who knows?????  And we'll finally have a big fight where either it's time for me to leave because the house is finally gone or whatever.    I just can't see myself slogging along through 3-6-9 months of well....are we or aren't we?????  Especially with me trying to get a job.  Which is what she seems to want - and she wants us to be together.  And yet she almost simultaneously tries to do everything to sabotage that from happening.  It's fucked up.  And it just doesn't give me much hope at a time I need a lot of hope.

As far as why I get some kind of sense of "hope" from time to time - I don't know - perhaps it's the close interaction with Shelly being here all day and us doing things together and her "lack" of doing other things.