Over the past 3 - 3.5 days (late Friday night 9/6- Monday night 9/9), I have experience some of the worst lows I've felt in a long time. And I've felt some pretty shitty lows just over the past 5 weeks. There are just so many things that have happened or keep happening and questions without answers, then more questions that come up that I haven't even asked. I've just constantly been searching my brain for answers and come up with none. Mostly, I just have not been able to understand why Shelly insists on acting the way she does about certain things and also insisting on them being done her way without question, without regard to my feelings or input nor of their possible consequences. And yet she'll say she loves me and wants things to work out - and then come up with some of the most unusual circumstances and or timeframes, unworkable situations that make it so unlikely that things will work out it really, really makes me wonder if she really cares at all. And going into the uncertain future that especially I, but both of really have - one would think that if she really does care to work things out, she'd be more receptive to possible compromises on things that might make it really have a chance to work. But she doesn't. And that just makes me more and more convinced that it will never work and/or that she really doesn't fucking care enough to try at all. The confusing signals being sent and unanswered questions...have just put me in a tailspin.
Yes, I know that was a lot of filler just to get to the main point of this post. All of the things above...have just made me want to fucking blow my brains out.
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