Some Things

Well.  Things have really shittified...but I at least thought we were on semi friendly terms earlier.

Whatever happens from here on out - I'm going to apologize one last time for the shitty texts when I was pissed.   It's hard not to keep from falling apart.  Literally, almost.  Everything goes through your mind.  Everywhere I go - it's like looking at what was your life, but in slow motion.  It's still there - but you know it is slowing disappearing and may never come back.

Everything I have, everything I know, everything I love is just about gone.  Sometimes the pain is so intense I want to jump off the roof.  Most times I'm even sure I will make it, much less us.  It just sux ballz and it has  for some time.

Update:  9/12/2013 @ 10:01 pm

Relevancy - that is something that has always bothered me.  I always seemed to get the short end of the stick.  And that just kills me, as it should.  And thus - that is why we've had arguments just like this for the last 6 weeks.  Rarer still before six weeks ago.  But I did not sign up for bullshit like 1000 texts to Cali, and until that thing is gone, I won't be relevant.

But - therein lies the problem.  One day?  That's bullshit, and it's insulting.  God, please let me get out of here in 9 days without just completely blowing my stack.  I'd rather just leave here and see what happens for a little while.  Either that, or I'm finally sick of it and I will get her to sign the divorce papers tomorrow.  One or the other.