I don't know. Perhaps the correct term is "wrapping your head around it" or something. It's not that I haven't gotten it - most of it - all along. I've known that the decisions I made at various times put us/me in deep doodoo - and there was nothing I could do at any ONE given time to change that, or make it all go away or just be better. And that bugged me (bugged is not a strong enough word. Try DEVASTATED.) then and certainly kills me to this day. There are things that could have been done differently
I just feel sick inside. Knowing that I'm the reason that everyone who knows (mainly me and Shelly, so besides me that is Shelly) is suffering. And she's right.
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