I'm just so damn scared. I'm almost paralyzed about doing anything. Yeah, it scares me her going out - especially after what has happened between us. Let alone what she was all depressed about in the first place. It just tears me apart having the knowledge of what I've done having us hanging by a thread. I was such a stupid, stupid man to have acted the way I did over all those years. Not just the unemployment years - and that was bad enough. It's like I was saying about all the trouble we're in. I've said it over and over again. How could a reasonably intelligent, generally well-meaning nice guy cause so much shit and make himself look like such a fucking jerk and lazy-ass shithead? I don't know.
It doesn't help much that I haven't slept at all. Of course, that never does. It would really be better for me if I could at least get a couple of hours sleep.
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