I guess it would be the understatement of the year to say, as we approach the 7 month anniversary of "The Event", that there's been a helluva lot of changes/stress/upheaval/etc. I know, right? Some battles are ongoing. Some are ongoing. I hope to clear up several today. That would be a major victory for me.
Obviously, some things have been going on for a lot longer than 7 months. That's just the time period I assign to it. A lot of these things directly led to what would eventually become "The Event". If there's one thing I know from experience over the last 9 years of unemployment - that my particular mindset (perhaps not unlike many who've been in similar situations) - over time, the disappointments/guilt/failures/missed opportunities they really start to add up and it gets harder and harder. When you hear yourself say for the 10,000th time that TODAY I'm going to "get that THING done" blah blah blah...despite whatever positive feeling you might be having - it gets harder and harder to make yourself believe it. I can only imagine what it's like for a spouse to hear it for that long. I do know that it's hard to break out of cycle. It's always been hard for me, and the more shit I have piled up, the more likely I'm going to NOT feel like doing it, so more and more stuff gets piled up with various bad consequences. Suddenly you look around and you're almost 50 and you start to wonder wtf happened. I can only pray for the strength and courage and help to overcome and move forward.
It's just like this stuff with the car. That was the culmination of 3.5 months of worry about two things that I knew were going to be almost impossible: financing on our own with our shitty credit/or getting Mom to loan us the money in some way, shape, form or fashion. And that's just specifically as it relates to the TerryCar™ situation. Obviously the Tracker has been in decline for years - I think it's been 3.5 years since the a/c went out and Bob pretty much declared it dead.
And that brings to mind something else I think of all the time. Perspective. Even back in 2009 when the Tracker was being given up for dead - and I would shake my head and wonder how in the hell we could ever get another car financed with shitty credit, much less be able to afford the monthly payment should we get some kind of car, and all the associated beat-downed-ness But back then we had health/vision/dental benefits. If any one of us was in pain, I knew we could easily get to a dr/dentist whatever - as opposed to this crap.
Man, this is really something...actually thinking about being able to buy a few things. It's been THAT long. A good feeling that it is now possible/bad feeling that it's been so freakin' long
Update: 4/11/13@ 12:07 pm
Well, I certainly haven't been as vigilant as I would have hoped so far. Obviously, the main thing is to contact that firm handling the VOWS thing. But there's also a jillion other things that I could be doing, from sweeps to cleaning the house to...whatever.
Update: 4/11/13 @ 2:20 pm
True to the vision I felt earlier...my efforts today have been somewhat...shall we say "significantly less" than what I hoped to do. Some sweeps entered, some clothes washed, a little pickup here and there. I know I will be "emailing" the guy from the law firm in attempt to set up a payment plan. But almost as important (I hesitate to say equally as important because of what it entails...) but the JPS stuff.
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