I Just Don't Know What To Do

I'll never be able to make Shelly happy.  I'm responsible for all that is shitty.  I wish I was just fucking dead.  I don't have the capacity to do anything, much less do a fucking thing right.  I'm just goddamn deadweight that should be done away with.  Old, stupid, weird, unkind, dumbass, incapable of doing anything. Dumbass stupid fuckup.  Maybe this hbp will just do us all a favor and fucking strike me down dead from a heart attack.  That would be the best way to go, so she can collect on the insurance policy.