I doubt things will ever be the same. I don't mean that in a bad sense, really. I suppose with me there's always a tendency to be nostalgic about past days...even when in reality those past days weren't very good.
I can be very strange sometimes. Volunteering our money to get Shelly a hotel room. Man, that came out of nowhere. It might not have been necessary, but I know she appreciates it. And I did it for no special reason - just to show that I care about what she wants and needs. That might sound strange, but only in the sense of a Todd that no longer exists and I'm not sure I want to exist.
I do hope that we enjoy the upcoming "lifestyle" outings. I'm a little nervous and afraid, also expecting some great things sexually. Hopefully not just other people. I hope I don't regret this, but I do think it's necessary. I probably don't have any doubts that I will be getting my share, and I don't have a problem with Shelly enjoying what she gets. I just hope that I get some quality stuff, because I know she will. I think I need to do a little reading on the subject and/or ask Jerry some questions. My fears are not sharing her - especially this way - my fear is that she will be tapping hot studs and I'll just be taking what I can get...and I will end up either jealous and/or even more insecure because of that. We'll just have to see - and have some boundaries and ground rules.
I don't know for sure, but I'm pretty sure the genie is already "out of the bottle" so to speak, and can't be put back in. Perhaps not, but I think at least right now I know she enjoys it too much and me too little to even think about trying to go it "ourselves". I do have to make sure I either get disability or have a job and provide not only an income, but be the best husband, lover and father I can be.
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