Thinking About It

Some thoughts on the situation:

• I am "somewhat" comfortable with the current C-man situation.  I don't view him as a "threat", even though she rants about his sex and wanting to bed this guy and that guy.  I brought some of that on myself, since I told her how horny it makes me and at one time had told her to go crazy.
• Let's be perfectly clear about what I really mean, and have meant from the beginning, when she was still in Florida and I agreed to this...I wasn't aware how much she thought of being fucked by him and (still to be seen) others.  I don't know if she feels better about it being drunk with me or what...but there's still a lot of inequity.  I know she when she says she is horny, she's not talking about me.  She's basically "giving me mine" so I won't get upset when she wants to go do him or someone else - to a certain extent...I'm pretty sure of this because of the way she has acted and a few things she has said.  Certainly she loves the orgasms I give her orally and manually...but probably just to feed her fantasies about other men.  I was not aware of this in the beginning when I agreed to it...but I didn't have much choice, did I?
• I do not want her "dating" other people or referring to others as her "boyfriend" nor do I want her to go on trips with them.  Him taking her to a dollar movie and paying $$ for the hotel room is one thing...but "dating" is another.  And certainly...the trip thing...really?  No.
• As it stands, I really have my hands tied until I am actually providing an income.  Assuming that I get the support from the doctor to even file disability...I won't know how "good" of a case I have unless I find info about other cases similar and the likelihood of getting $$.  Won't know for sure for 4-5 months.
• I don't know how it will work out.  Unless we found a couple we could "play" with on a regular basis...or just go to the parties to have some fun...which I have agreed to do and as long as we both like it...I guess we can.  I just don't feel very good about getting things the way I want them...basically "us" and a "little" spice on the side.